Welcome to the 46th edition of The Reset Room, where you will receive tips, strategies and insights about all things mental health with a focus on ways to do a reset on some of the things in your life that may be leading to distress.

I Thought About You…

But I Didn’t Reach Out

Last week, I challenged us to notice people.

To pay attention.

To look up from our own lives long enough to notice when someone seems a little quieter, a little different, or maybe just needs to know somebody sees them.

But I’ve been thinking about something since then because it happens to me a lot!

How many times does someone randomly cross your mind…

and you do absolutely nothing about it?

“I wonder how she’s doing.”

“I haven’t talked to him in forever.”

“I need to check on her.”

“I wonder how that thing turned out.”

And then…

We keep scrolling.

We answer the email.

We go to the next appointment.

We pick up the kids.

We finish whatever we were doing.

And that person disappears from our thoughts almost as quickly as they entered.

It's totally not because we don’t care.

We just didn’t act on it.

I am a very busy person with a very "busy" brain and I get these random thoughts A LOT!

I had a recent experience of this recently regarding my Aunt Kim. She had been in the hospital and I had not reached out and randomly thought of her one evening and purposefully made myself stop and message her on April 20th at 6:56 PM. We exchanged some messages back and forth that ended with us both saying "I love you"! 💜

On April 29th (just 9 days later) my sweet Aunt Kim passed away very unexpectedly. If you are like me when someone close to you passes away, you will try to think of the last time you saw or spoke to them. I cannot say how grateful I am that I stopped my life for just a minute that night on April 20th to reach out to her!

What If the Thought Is the Reminder?

I wonder what would happen if we started treating those random thoughts about people a little differently.

Instead of thinking:

“I need to check on her sometime…”

What if we just did it?

Right then.

It doesn’t have to be profound.

“Hey! You crossed my mind today. Hope you’re doing okay.”

That’s it.

You don’t need to know that they’re struggling.

You don’t need a reason.

And you definitely don’t need to compose the perfect text.

Just reach out.

Here’s the Interesting Part…

We usually think about reaching out as something we’re doing for the other person.

But from my story above, it may be something you do for you, too.

When we’re stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, hurt, or frustrated, our world can get pretty small.

We start thinking about:

What I need.

What I have to get done.

What somebody didn’t do for me.

Who hasn’t checked on me.

Why I’m carrying more than everybody else.

What I don’t have time for.

What might go wrong next.

Our brains can become very focused on me, my problems, my schedule, my expectations, my protection.

And sometimes that’s necessary.

But stay there too long and it can become a pretty miserable neighborhood. 😂

One of the ways we can interrupt that inward focus is surprisingly simple:

Look outward.

Researchers call behaviors intended to help or benefit someone else prosocial behaviors. Studies have found that helping, supporting, and connecting with other people can be associated with better mood and may even buffer some of our stress response.

In other words…

Doing something good for somebody else doesn’t only affect them.

Our own brains and bodies may respond to it, too.

Maybe sometimes the reset we need isn’t another hour to ourselves.

Maybe it’s getting outside of ourselves for five minutes.

And There’s Another Piece…

Sometimes we’re keeping score without realizing it.

“She never checks on me.”

“I’m always the one who reaches out first.”

“Nobody asks how I’m doing.”

“If they wanted to talk to me, they know my number.”

And maybe some of those things are completely true.

Relationships do need reciprocity.

But keeping score can also keep our attention focused on what we’re not receiving.

What happens if, just for this week, we stop keeping score?

Not forever.

Just seven days.

Instead of asking:

Who’s checking on me?

Try asking:

Who can I check on today?

That little shift takes our attention from expectation to intention.

And who knows?

The person you text may really need it.

Or maybe they’re perfectly fine and your text just makes them smile.

Either one sounds worthwhile to me.

👇🏻Read the Coparent RESET or scroll down for final RESET.

👨‍👩‍👧 Co-Parenting RESET

Last week’s challenge to notice applies here, too.

But when you notice something about your child, there’s another step:

Share what you noticed with their other parent.

The key is to share the observation, not your interpretation.

There’s a big difference between:

“Emma seemed quieter than usual tonight and went to her room pretty early.”

and

“Emma is upset because of what happened at your house.”

One gives the other parent useful information.

The other assigns blame and invites an argument.

This week, try communicating one thing you noticed about your child that might be helpful for their other parent to know.

No assumption.

No blame.

Just information.

Because sometimes good co-parenting starts with two adults simply paying attention to the same kid.

💬 This Week’s RESET

Here’s the challenge:

When someone crosses your mind this week, reach out.

Don’t overthink it.

Send the text.

Make the call.

Message them.

“You crossed my mind today.”

“Just checking on you.”

“I saw something that made me think about you.”

“How did that thing turn out?”

“Hope you’re having a good week.”

That’s the challenge.

🔥 THE ULTRA RESET CHALLENGE

Want to take it a step further?

Reach out to one different person every day for seven days.

Seven days.

Seven people.

No agenda.

No expectation that they respond.

No keeping score about whether they reach out to you next time.

You’re simply practicing turning your attention outward.

And maybe at the end of the week, notice something else:

Did anything change in you?

Your mood?

Your stress?

Your sense of connection?

If you like journaling.. click HERE for a gratitude journal that you can use to keep track of the positive things in your life.

I bet you have a story similar to my story about my Aunt Kim... I would love to hear it... Hit Reply and share that with me. I read all of your messages and love getting feedback from you on this topic or any topic of interest to you!

Until next week!

💜-- Tina