Welcome to the latest edition of The Reset Room, where you will receive tips, strategies and insights about all things mental health with a focus on ways to do a reset on some of the things in your life that may be leading to distress.

Welcome to Episode 52 of The RESET Room!

52 weeks. One whole year of RESETs! 🎉

For an entire year, I've been showing up here each week to share thoughts, strategies, and challenges that hopefully help us all become a little more aware of ourselves and a little more intentional about how we respond to life.

And I appreciate those of you who have been along for the ride!

Now, let's talk about something our brains are really good at doing...even when we wish they wouldn't.

🔄 Why Am I STILL Thinking About That?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and then spent the next three days having an entirely different version of that conversation in your head?

You think about what they said.

You think about what you said.

You think about what you SHOULD have said.

And then, just when you think you've moved on, your brain decides it's time for another replay. 🙄

Or maybe it wasn't a conversation.

Maybe it was an embarrassing moment, a mistake you made, something unfair that happened, or a disappointment you just can't seem to shake.

There's actually a name for this: rumination.

Rumination is when we repeatedly return to the same thoughts, situations, or feelings without making meaningful progress toward understanding or resolving them.

And here's the part you may not realize...

Sometimes our brain keeps returning to something because it is trying to make sense of it, prevent it from happening again, or find a way to regain control.

Your brain is actually trying to help.

It's just not always doing a very good job of it… as it is stuck in a loop. 😂

🤔 Processing or Just Replaying?

Thinking about something that upset us isn't necessarily a bad thing.

In fact, reflection is healthy!

We need to think about our experiences, learn from our mistakes, and understand our emotional reactions.

But there's a difference between processing something and just mentally rehearsing our frustration.

Healthy reflection might sound like:

• What bothered me so much about that?
• Is there something I can learn from this?
• Do I need to address something or make a change?
• What would I like to do differently next time?

Rumination sounds more like:

• I can't believe they said that!
• Why do they ALWAYS do this?
• I should have told them...
• It's just not fair!
• What if they think I'm stupid?

See the difference?

One moves us toward understanding or action.

The other keeps us emotionally involved in something that may already be over.

And here's something worth remembering:

Just because you're still thinking about something doesn't mean you're actually working through it.

🧠 Why Can't We Just Stop Thinking About It?

Have you ever tried telling yourself NOT to think about something?

**Try this challenge that I use with clients in sessions:

🐢 Don’t think about the turtle crossing the road.

🐢 Don’t think about the turtle crossing the road.

🐢 Don’t think about the turtle crossing the road.

Now…. what are you thinking about??? 😂

When we try to force a thought away, we can actually end up monitoring whether it's gone...which brings our attention right back to it.

So instead of trying to force your brain to stop, we need to give it something more useful to do.

🛠️ Your RESET: Interrupting the Mental Replay

R — Recognize the loop.

Notice when you've returned to the same situation without gaining any new understanding.

Try saying to yourself calmly, "Hmmm…I'm replaying this again."

You don't have to judge yourself for it. Just recognize what's happening.

E — Examine what you're trying to accomplish.

Ask yourself:

"Am I trying to solve something, understand something, or just replaying how upset I am?"

Sometimes we discover that we're searching for an answer we're simply not going to get.

S — Separate what you can change from what you can't.

Can I apologize? Clarify something? Set a boundary? Make a different choice next time?

If so, identify your next step.

If not, continuing to mentally revisit the situation isn't going to change the outcome.

E — Engage your attention somewhere else.

This is not about pretending the situation didn't happen.

It's about intentionally redirecting your attention once you've gotten what you can from thinking about it.

Get up and move. Take a walk. Work on something that requires concentration. Engage your senses in the present moment.

Your brain may return to the thought. That's okay.

You can redirect it again as it takes practice if you have had a habit of ruminating for years.

T — Take away the lesson, not the entire emotional burden.

Maybe you learned something.

Maybe you need to handle a situation differently next time.

Or maybe the lesson is simply that you cannot control what someone else thinks, says, or does.

You can keep the lesson without continuing to relive the experience.

👇🏻Read the Coparent RESET or scroll down for final RESET.

👨‍👩‍👧 Coparent RESET: When the Exchange Is Over but the Argument Isn't

You receive an upsetting message from your coparent.

You respond. Or maybe you wisely decide NOT to respond.

But hours later, you're still thinking about it.

You're mentally composing another reply.

You're imagining what you wish you had said.

You're telling someone else about it, and suddenly you're just as upset as you were when you first read it.

Sound familiar?

Here's something to consider:

The actual exchange may have lasted five minutes, but the mental replay can keep the conflict going for hours.

And sometimes that frustration follows us into our parenting time.

We may become irritable, distracted, or emotionally unavailable because we're still mentally engaged in a conflict with the other parent.

Try this RESET:

Before responding or continuing to revisit the exchange, ask yourself:

"Is there a parenting issue that still needs to be addressed, or am I continuing an argument in my head?"

If action is needed, identify the specific child-focused issue and address it appropriately.

If no further action is needed, give yourself permission to disengage.

You don't have to win every argument.

And you certainly don't have to keep participating in one that has already ended.

If your coparent truly wronged you, but you really can do nothing about it, document it (you should be keeping a very good documentation record)… then move on with the RESET steps above.

Important distinction: If an exchange involves threats, coercion, safety concerns, or behavior that needs documentation, addressing those concerns is different from unproductive rumination.

🎯 Your RESET Challenge This Week

This week, when you catch yourself replaying a conversation, disappointment, or frustrating experience, ask yourself three questions:

Am I processing this, problem-solving, or just rehearsing my frustration?

If you're processing, give yourself space to understand what happened.

If you're problem-solving, identify one useful next step.

But if you're just rehearsing your frustration...

Ask yourself:

"What am I getting from another replay?"

And then practice redirecting your attention to something that deserves your energy TODAY.

If this hit a button for you and you do this a lot… here is a workbook you might like:

​Rumination Remedies: A Workbook to Free Your Mind From Worry, Regret, and Racing Thoughts by Sherri McGregor​

I want to give a BIG THANK YOU to all of you who have been consistent readers this past year.

I appreciate all of your feedback and encouragement…. 🥰

Hit REPLY and share with me topics you might want to hear in the coming year… and

PLEASE… Forward this to people in your email network that you believe would benefit from a weekly RESET! 🤗

Until next week...keep finding your RESET! 💙

--Tina 🤗