Welcome to the 33rd edition of The Reset Room, where you will receive tips, strategies and insights about all things mental health with a focus on ways to do a reset on some of the things in your life that may be leading to distress.

🏀 When One Moment Becomes the Whole Story

Last week, we talked about Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) and how our brains can jump to conclusions based on assumptions, past experiences, or old wounds.

This week, I'd like to introduce another common thinking trap: all-or-nothing thinking (also called black-and-white thinking).

A great example of this comes from a session I had several years ago while talking with a young athlete.

She came into session upset after a basketball game her team had lost by one point.

With seconds left on the clock, she had the opportunity to make the game-winning shot.

She missed.

As she sat in my office, she couldn't stop talking about that one moment.

"I lost the game."

"It's my fault we lost."

"I let everyone down."

As we talked more, I learned something interesting.

She had been one of the leading scorers that night.

She had several rebounds.

Multiple assists.

Played strong defense.

In fact, without all of her contributions throughout the game, her team likely wouldn't have even been close enough for that final shot to matter.

But her brain DID NOT focus on any of that.

It had reduced the entire game to that one moment.

One shot.

One mistake.

One outcome.

And that's exactly what all-or-nothing thinking does.

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🧠 The Problem with Black-and-White Thinking

When we're caught in this thinking trap, we stop seeing the whole picture.

Instead of recognizing the many things that went right, we allow the one thing that went wrong to define everything.

It sounds like:

❌ One unhealthy meal = "I've ruined my diet."

❌ One disagreement = "Our relationship is failing."

❌ One difficult parenting moment = "I'm a bad parent."

❌ One forgotten task = "I'm never appreciated."

❌ One co-parenting conflict = "We'll never work together."

❌ One mistake at work = "I'm terrible at my job."

Notice the pattern?

One event becomes the entire story.

But life is rarely that simple.

Most of our lives happen in the gray area between perfect and terrible.

And that's where growth actually happens.

👇🏻Read the Coparent RESET or scroll down for final RESET.

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🔄 Co-Parenting Reset

All-or-nothing thinking can create a lot of unnecessary conflict in co-parenting relationships.

A parent forgets to send one piece of information.

The thought becomes:

"They never communicate."

A parent is late to one exchange.

The thought becomes:

"They're completely unreliable."

A disagreement occurs.

The thought becomes:

"We'll never be able to co-parent successfully."

While there are certainly situations involving chronic patterns and serious concerns, many day-to-day frustrations come from allowing one moment to define the entire relationship.

Before reacting, ask yourself:

👉 Am I responding to a pattern or to a single event?

That question alone can prevent a lot of unnecessary conflict.

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🌱 Your Reset This Week

Pay attention to moments when your brain wants to use words like:

Always​
​Never​
​Everyone​
​No one​
​Completely​
​Totally

Those words are often clues that all-or-nothing thinking may be showing up.

When you catch it, try asking:

👉 What's the bigger picture?

👉 What evidence am I not seeing?

👉 What would I tell a friend in this same situation?

Most of the time, you'll discover the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

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💬 I'd Love to Hear From You

This week, hit reply and tell me:

What's one situation where you realized you were focusing on the 5% that went wrong instead of the 95% that went right?

I'd love to hear your examples. Some of the best newsletter ideas come directly from conversations with all of you.

Until next week,

❤️ Tina