Welcome to the latest edition of The Reset Room, where you will receive tips, strategies and insights about all things mental health with a focus on ways to do a reset on some of the things in your life that may be leading to distress.

🧠 Today's Topic: What Your Dreams and Wants Reveal About Your Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs)

The last few weeks we have been analyzing our Automatic Negaive Thoughts (our ANTs) and how they may be holding us back.

This week, something happened in my therapy room that stuck with me long after my client left.

One of my favorite questions to ask clients is what's called the "Miracle Question."

It goes something like this...

💭 "Suppose you went to sleep tonight, and while you were sleeping a miracle happened. Tomorrow you woke up and all the problems you've been struggling with had been resolved. Your life was working the way you hoped it would. Your stress was manageable. Your relationships felt healthier. Your to-do list was caught up. What would be different?"

Most people eventually begin describing what that life would look like.

But this client couldn't.

They sat quietly for a long time, struggling to imagine it.

After our session, I found myself thinking...

"How would I answer that question?"

So I started making my own mental list.

Maybe I'd finally have that project finished.

Maybe I'd plan that vacation I've been putting off.

Maybe I'd feel a little less pressure to keep everything moving.

Maybe I'd spend a little more time simply enjoying where I already am.

But something interesting happened...

Almost every thought was immediately followed by another thought.

🐜 "That'll never happen."

🐜 "You should've already gotten that done."

🐜 "You don't have time for that."

🐜 "That probably wouldn't work anyway."

Before I could even enjoy imagining the possibilities...

My ANTs had already shown up.

💡 Sometimes our dreams don't reveal what's impossible...

They reveal the stories we've been telling ourselves.

That's what Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) do.

They're fast.

They're convincing.

And most of the time, we don't even realize they're happening.

We imagine something good...

...and immediately talk ourselves out of it.

Here's what surprised me even more.

As I reflected, I realized...

I actually have a really good life.

There are so many things I'm genuinely grateful for.

I wasn't sitting there wishing my entire life looked different.

Instead, I noticed something else.

Much of the pressure I was feeling wasn't coming from my circumstances...

It was coming from me.

From the quiet expectations.

The invisible deadlines.

The constant "I should already be farther along."

The pressure wasn't entirely in my calendar.

It was in my thoughts.

And that realization was freeing.

👇🏻Read the Coparent RESET or scroll down for final RESET.

🤝 Co-Parenting Reset

Now imagine asking yourself that same Miracle Question about your co-parenting relationship.

"If I woke up tomorrow and co-parenting felt peaceful...what would actually be different?"

Maybe your answer would be...

✔️ We could exchange the kids without arguing.

✔️ I wouldn't assume every text had a hidden meaning.

✔️ I'd stop preparing for every conversation like I was walking into a courtroom.

✔️ I'd believe our child could love both of us without choosing sides.

Now notice what happens next.

Do any of these thoughts show up?

🐜 "That'll never happen."

🐜 "They'll never change."

🐜 "It's too late."

🐜 "Why should I be the one trying?"

Those thoughts may feel completely true.

But they're still thoughts.

Sometimes the greatest obstacle to peace isn't only what our co-parent is doing...

It's believing peace is no longer possible.

🔄 Reader Reset Challenge

I'd love for you to try something this week.

Grab a blank sheet of paper.

At the top write:

"If my life felt just a little closer to the way I wanted it to..."

Then start writing.

No judging.

No editing.

No worrying about whether it's realistic.

Write the small things.

Write the big dreams.

Write the projects.

Write the relationships.

Write the vacation.

Write the pantry you've been meaning to organize.

Write the class you've wanted to take.

Write the person you've been meaning to call.

Write it all.

Now go back through your list.

Not to see what you wrote...

But to notice what your brain said about it.

Circle each one that led to an Automatic Negative Thought that popped into your mind.

Then next to each one, write a more balanced response.

Instead of...

❌ "I'll never finish."

Try...

✅ "I don't have to finish today. I just have to start."

Instead of...

❌ "It's too late."

Try...

✅ "It's later than I planned...but it's not too late."

Instead of...

❌ "I could never."

Try...

✅ "I've done hard things before."

And if one of your dreams truly isn't possible right now—or ever—don't cross it out.

Maybe it's the wish for a loved one who's no longer here.

Maybe it's something that's simply beyond your control.

Instead, underline it.

Honor it.

Dreaming is still a beautiful part of being human.

And sometimes those dreams remind us of the people we've loved, the experiences we've treasured, or the values that matter most.

❤️ Your Challenge This Week

Choose ONE item on your list that's within reach.

Not the biggest one.

Not the hardest one.

Just one.

📞 Make the phone call.

📝 Apply for the job.

🧹 Clean the pantry.

✈️ Schedule the vacation.

📚 Enroll in the class.

🌱 Reach out to the friend.

Whatever it is...

Take one small step.

Because every time you take action, you teach your brain something powerful.

That Automatic Negative Thought wasn't a fact.

It was just an ANT.

And little by little...

that's how we begin rewriting the stories we've been telling ourselves.

Until next week,

❤️ Tina

P.S. I'd love to hear from you this week.

What was one Automatic Negative Thought you noticed while doing this exercise?

Or better yet...

What's the one small action you decided to take?

Just hit reply—I truly read every one.