Welcome back to....The Reset Room

Last week, I challenged you to identify one thing that had been weighing on you and ask yourself a simple question:

"Is this inside my Circle of Control?"

I also set a personal challenge for myself on a stressful thing that was in my control—to work shorter time on Sunday afternoons and I'm happy to report... I made it! 🎉 I actually was finished about 3:15 (3:30 goal).

More importantly, many of you replied with your own goals and the things you were working on. I loved reading your responses. Some of you were focusing on improving your health, some on relationships, some on parenting, and others on simply worrying less.

But as I read through your emails, I noticed something...

Many of the things causing the most stress weren't actually inside your Circle of Control.

And that raises a really important question...

So... it's out of your control. Now what?

Why letting go feels so hard

If you've ever known something was out of your control but still couldn't stop thinking about it... you're not weak.

You're human.

Without getting too "tech-y" with you, our nervous system is constantly asking one question:

"Am I safe?"

When life feels uncertain—waiting on medical results, worrying about a child, dealing with a difficult co-parent, wondering if someone is upset with us, waiting to hear about a job—we often don't have an answer.

Our brain doesn't like uncertainty.

Instead, it tries to create certainty by replaying conversations, imagining every possible outcome, overthinking, checking our phones, Googling, or trying harder to fix something we can't actually control.

This is where our nervous system can shift into survival mode.

Fight – We argue, defend, criticize, or try to force an outcome.

Flight – We stay busy, avoid the issue, distract ourselves, or overwork.

Freeze – We overthink, feel stuck, can't make decisions, or mentally shut down.

Fawn – We people-please, over-apologize, or try to keep everyone else happy.

None of these responses mean something is wrong with you.

They simply mean your nervous system is trying to protect you.

The goal isn't to stop having these reactions...

The goal is learning how to gently bring your nervous system back to a place where you can think clearly again.

🌿 The RESET Method

The next time you notice yourself spiraling over something outside your control, try this:

💛 R – Recognize it

Pause and simply name what's happening.

"This is outside my control."

Awareness is the first step toward changing your response.

💛 E – Experience the emotion

Instead of immediately trying to fix it, allow yourself to acknowledge it.

"I'm scared."

"I'm disappointed."

"I'm frustrated."

You don't have to judge the emotion to acknowledge that it's there.

💛 S – Settle your nervous system

Before you solve the problem, regulate yourself.

Maybe that looks like:

✔️ Box breathing

✔️ A short walk

✔️ Prayer

✔️ Journaling

✔️ Progressive muscle relaxation

✔️ Lifting weights

✔️ Splashing cold water on your hands or face

Regulation almost always comes before good decision-making.

💛 E – Engage what you CAN control

Ask yourself:

"What's one thing I can do in the next 15 minutes?"

Maybe it's making one phone call.

Drinking a glass of water.

Sending the email.

Cleaning off your desk.

Or maybe it's choosing to simply wait... peacefully.

Small actions inside your Circle of Control calm the nervous system far more than endless worry ever will.

💛 T – Take Note of your progress...

Every time you note that you made progress towards a goal, you build more depth on your skills for emotion regulation and nervous system balancing.

💭 One thought I'd love for you to remember this week...

Acceptance is not approval.

Accepting that something is outside your control doesn't mean you like it.

It doesn't mean you agree with it.

It doesn't mean it isn't unfair.

It simply means you're choosing to stop fighting a battle that cannot be won today.

Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do isn't to hold on tighter...

It's to loosen our grip.

👇🏻Read the Coparent RESET or scroll down for final RESET.

👨‍👩‍👧 Co-Parent Reset

This week's reminder is one I find myself saying often in sessions.

You cannot control what happens in the other home.

You can control:

✅ How regulated you are during exchanges.

✅ How you welcome your child back.

✅ The routines and consistency you provide in your own home.

✅ What you document instead of emotionally reacting to.

Your peace doesn't have to depend on someone else's choices.

🔄 Reader RESET Challenge

This week, every time you notice yourself replaying a situation use the RESET method by pausing to ask yourself:

"Is this something I can influence today?"

If the answer is yes…

➡️ Take one small action.

If the answer is no…

➡️ Take one calming action instead.

Then notice what happens.

My guess is you'll discover something powerful:

The more we stop trying to control the uncontrollable, the more energy we have for the things that truly deserve our attention.

Are you prone to be worrier of things out of your control? If you are, I would love to hear some feedback from you on things that you catch yourself worrying about frequently.

If you have some tricks, mindset phrases, or activities you use to help with your worry please share those as well. I would love to add some new strategies to my arsenal of tips and tricks for others.

Until next week...

Keep finding your reset. 🌿

— Tina