Welcome to the latest edition of The Reset Room, where you will receive tips, strategies and insights about all things mental health with a focus on ways to do a reset on some of the things in your life that may be leading to distress.

The RESET Room #40

“I Was Gonna…“

When my youngest son was still living at home, he developed a habit that kept me mindful of keeping my word.

Every once in a while, I’d catch myself saying…

“I was gonna do that.”

Maybe it was picking up something from the store. Fixing something around the house. Making a requested meal. Something I’d said I was going to do… but hadn’t.

Without hesitation, he’d smile and simply repeat…

“I was gonna.” 😄

That little phrase became an ongoing joke in our house.

Even today, if one of us starts explaining why something didn’t get done by saying, “Well… I was gonna…” someone else will usually grin and repeat…

“I was gonna.”

It’s funny…

But it’s also surprisingly convicting.

Because “I was gonna” doesn’t build trust.

Not with other people.

And definitely not with ourselves.

As I thought about that little family joke this week, I realized something…

Most of us work incredibly hard to keep the promises we make to other people. (If you are not doing this..that is a whole different message and I almost guarantee you have issues with keeping your word to yourself). Anyway... most of us do the following:

If we tell a friend we’ll be there… we show up.

If we promise our boss we’ll finish the project… we get it done.

But somewhere along the way, many of us become comfortable breaking the promises we make to ourselves.

“I’ll start walking Monday.”

“I’ll start cooking healthy .”

“I’ll stop people pleasing.”

“I’ll make my health a priority.”

“I’ll get my garage cleaned.”

“I’ll go to bed earlier.”

Too often…

Those promises become…

“I was gonna.”

Why This Matters

Here’s something I think we often misunderstand.

Self-confidence isn’t built by doing what you tell other people you’ll do.

Self-confidence is built by doing what you tell yourself you’ll do.

Psychologist Albert Bandura spent decades studying what builds confidence. One of his biggest findings was that confidence grows through what he called mastery experiences—actually following through, accomplishing something, and proving to yourself that you can.

In other words…

Confidence doesn’t come first.

Action comes first.

Every promise you keep to yourself becomes evidence.

Evidence turns into trust.

Trust turns into confidence.

The opposite is true too.

Every time we repeatedly tell ourselves, “I’ll start tomorrow,” but tomorrow never comes…

Our brain quietly starts believing…

“I don’t think you’re really going to do it.”

We slowly lose trust in our own word.

Not because we’re lazy.

Not because we’re weak.

But because we’ve unintentionally taught ourselves that our intentions don’t always become our actions.

🔄 A Different Goal This Week

Maybe the goal this week isn’t to become more confident.

Maybe the goal is to become more trustworthy…

To yourself.

Forget the giant goals for a minute.

Instead, ask yourself…

What’s one promise that’s so small I have almost no excuse not to keep it?

✅ Walk for 10 minutes.

✅ Drink one bottle of water before lunch.

✅ Read five pages.

✅ Send the email you’ve been avoiding.

✅ Put your phone away by 9:00.

Tiny promises.

Tiny wins.

Tiny deposits into self-trust.

Because confidence isn’t built in one giant leap.

It’s built one kept promise at a time.

👇🏻Read the Coparent RESET or scroll down for final RESET.

🤝 Co-Parenting RESET

This idea matters in co-parenting too.

Children don’t build trust because we make big promises.

They build trust because our words consistently match our actions.

If you tell your coparent you’ll be there at 7:00…

Be there at 7:00.

If you promise your child you’ll be at the game…

Be there.

Have you ever been disappointed in how you reacted towards your coparent in front of your child after swearing you wouldn't do it again...

Plan ahead before arriving or answering the phone with some deep breaths and do what you told yourself to do..... and stay calm during the exchange…

Keep practicing, even when it’s difficult.

Consistency creates safety.

And here’s something worth thinking about…

If we’re teaching our children that words should match actions…Shouldn’t we model that same relationship with ourselves?

Your child is watching how you keep promises to them.

But you’re living with how you keep promises to yourself.

Both matter.

💬 Your RESET Challenge This Week

This week, I don’t want you to make ten new goals.

I want you to make one promise to yourself.

Just one.

Then keep it.

No matter how small it seems.

Because every time you follow through, you’re casting a vote for the person you’re becoming.

And the next time you’re tempted to say…

“I was gonna…“

Pause.

Smile.

Then go do the thing.

Your future self is listening.

❤️ I’d love to hear from you this week…

What’s one promise you’re making to yourself this week?

Hit reply and tell me.

I may even borrow a few ideas (anonymously!) for a future newsletter.

💭 One more thing…

Over the past several months, we’ve talked about thinking errors, emotional regulation, boundaries, people pleasing, overthinking, failure, and so much more.

I’ve noticed something…

Most people don’t need more information.

They need a way to consistently put what they already know into action.

I’ve been working on something that I think could help with exactly that.

More to come over the next few weeks… 😉

🤗--Tina