Welcome to the 45th edition of The Reset Room, where you will receive tips, strategies and insights about all things mental health with a focus on ways to do a reset on some of the things in your life.

💚 Please..... Check on the Strong Ones, Too

Our small community experienced a heartbreaking loss this week.

And because September is Suicide Prevention Month, it feels important to talk about something we probably don't talk about enough.

Not the why—because suicide is complex, and those left behind may never have all of those answers.

But maybe we can talk about what we can learn about seeing one another a little differently.

Over the past couple of weeks, we've talked about validation.

We've talked about giving compliments.

We've talked about noticing the good in other people and actually saying it out loud.

Maybe this week is another layer of that conversation:

Are we really noticing the people around us?

Because sometimes the people who appear to be carrying things just fine are carrying much more than we realize.. and naturally those are the ones we don't think twice about needing to check on or encourage.

❌ Suicide Doesn't Always Look Like We Think It Does

When we picture someone struggling with their mental health, we may picture someone who can't get out of bed, is visibly depressed, or has stopped functioning.

Sometimes it looks like that.

Sometimes it doesn't.

Someone can go to work.

Take care of their children and other people’s children.

Lead other people.

Make everyone laugh.

Serve their community.

Show up at church.

Be the person everyone else calls when something goes wrong.

And still be struggling.

Sometimes the person carrying everyone else's problems doesn't know where to put their own.

Certain mental health conditions—including depression, bipolar disorder and substance use disorders—can increase suicide risk. Trauma, significant losses, relationship or financial problems, chronic pain and other major stressors can also contribute.

Another feeling we watch for as counselors is if a client is having hopelessness.

A person may start having one of those Automatic Negative Thoughts and believe that nothing is going to get better.

Or they may begin to believe something even harder for the people who love them to understand:

“Everyone would be better off without me.”

From the outside, we can immediately see everything wrong with that statement.

Of course we wouldn't be better off without you.

But a brain overwhelmed by hopelessness may not be processing things the same way we are.... and YES.. even the strong ones can become overwhelmed with hopelessness.

Something that seems completely illogical to us can feel painfully convincing to someone in crisis.

💪 What About the “Strong” People?

Strong people are the last ones we think about needing to be checked on.

The teachers and coaches.

The caregivers/nurses/doctors.

The first responders.

The pastors.

The mental health professionals.

The parent holding everything together.

There can be tremendous pressure attached to being the person who is supposed to be okay.

It is those from this group that often illogically think:

What will people think if they know I'm struggling?

And sometimes being really good at functioning can make it harder for other people to recognize when something is wrong.

Most of us probably know someone who has been impacted by a suicide loss. And when something happens in our own community, it can bring an older loss right back to the surface.

If that's happening for you right now, you are allowed and highly encouraged to reach out for support.

In fact, not reaching out for support and stuffing those negative emotions down when you are hurting is a sign that you direly NEED to be reaching out for support.

Counseling isn't only for the person experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Those left behind may need help processing grief, anger, guilt, confusion and all of the unanswered what ifs that can follow a suicide.

My sister-in-law, Jamie Hawk Hunter lost her brother, Eric, to suicide. Eric was amongst what we would classify as "strong" as he was a first responder in Amarillo. If you follow Jamie on Facebook, you can see how she has become an advocate for the suicide loss survivors out there like none other. She has not masked or hidden her pain but has been open and honest about the devastation that comes with being a suicide loss survivor.

💬 A Small Change in the Way We Talk About Suicide

I challenge you to work on eliminating this phrase… “committed suicide”…. from your vocabulary.

Most of us grew up hearing that terminology.

But our mental health language has changed.

The preferred terminology is:

“Died by suicide.”

The word committed has historically been associated with committing a crime or wrongdoing and can unintentionally add stigma to an already complicated mental health issue.

So as we learn more, we can change our language too.

🌾 When “Reach Out for Help” Isn't That Simple

I love small-town life.

But I also understand one of the realities of getting mental health care in a small community:

Sometimes you know the counselor.

Your kids may know their kids.

You may go to church together.

Your families may know each other.

You may see them at the grocery store Friday and be expected to sit across from them and talk about the hardest thing in your life on Monday.

For some people, that's okay.

For others, it feels incredibly vulnerable.

So simply telling someone to “reach out for help” isn't always enough.

We also need to make reaching out feel possible.

One reason we created Hopeful Horizons Outreach was to help expand mental health access throughout our rural Panhandle communities.

Hopeful Horizons has contracted counselors from different areas throughout the Panhandle. Depending upon need and availability, telehealth can sometimes provide an opportunity to connect with a counselor outside of your immediate community, making it feel more confidential.

Sometimes talking to someone you don't know feels a whole lot easier than talking to someone you do.

And if that removes one barrier between someone and getting help, it matters.

📱 You can also call 988... But What Actually Happens If I Call 988?

I think sometimes people don't use crisis resources because they don't know what will happen when they do.

988 is the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

You can call, text or chat 988 for free, confidential crisis support.

When you call, you are connected with a trained crisis counselor.

They will ask questions about your safety, listen to what is happening and help you work through what you need in that moment. They may also help connect you with additional resources.

And this is important:

You don't have to wait until you are certain you are going to hurt yourself to contact 988.

You can reach out because you are overwhelmed.

Because you feel hopeless.

Because you're scared by your thoughts.

Because you're worried about someone else.

Or because you simply aren't sure what to do next.

Contacting 988 does not automatically mean police are going to show up or that you will automatically be hospitalized. The goal is to provide support and help resolve the crisis as safely and collaboratively as possible. Emergency intervention may be used when necessary to protect someone's immediate safety when in a severe state of crisis or distress.

Sometimes knowing what is on the other end of that number makes it a little less scary to use it.

👨‍👩‍👧 THE CO-PARENTING RESET

This week, I want co-parents to remember something important:

When children live in two homes, each parent may only be seeing half of the picture.

Maybe one parent notices that a child is suddenly sleeping all afternoon.

The other notices they've stopped talking to friends.

One sees irritability.

The other sees grades dropping.

Neither parent may recognize the pattern until they share what they're seeing.

If you notice a meaningful change in your child's mood, sleep, friendships, eating, behavior, substance use, school performance or the way they talk about themselves—tell the other parent.

Not as an accusation.

Not as evidence that something is happening at the other parent's house.

Just information.

“I've noticed this lately. Have you noticed anything similar?”

And one more thing we don't talk about very often:

Your co-parent is also one of your child's caregivers.

You don't have to be their best friend.

You don't have to become their therapist.

But if you see a significant change that makes you genuinely concerned about their well-being, don't automatically dismiss it simply because your relationship with them ended.

Sometimes good co-parenting means sharing information that helps protect the people your children depend on.

🔄 THIS WEEK'S RESET

This isn't a challenge to become responsible for everyone else's mental health.

You can't be.

It's simply a challenge to notice people.

Especially the one who always seems fine.

The one who is always taking care of everybody else.

Check on the strong ones, too.

Because sometimes the strongest-looking person in the room still needs a safe place to put something heavy.

Check on your neighbors right now who are processing the loss of losing someone who died by suicide.

💚 KEEP THESE RESOURCES

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline​
Call or text 988​
Free, confidential crisis support is available 24/7.

Hopeful Horizons Outreach​
Mental health services and support for individuals and families throughout our Eastern Texas Panhandle communities, including telehealth options with contracted counselors from across the Panhandle who provide free and reduced counseling services to those in need.

​Link to Hopeful Horizons Outreach-Get Help

Of course if someone is in immediate life-threatening danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.

Also... Follow and mark your calendars for The Space They Left series by Panhandle PBS Studio which is a 3-part series that features people from the Texas Panhandle who are suicide loss survivors that will air one part at a time on September 10, 17 and 24^th… all at 7 p.m.

​Watch Trailer Here…. The Space They Left (episode one)​

And if this week's events—or another suicide loss from your past—have brought up things you are struggling to process, you don't have to wait until it becomes a crisis to talk to someone.

Reply if you need further support and I will help to point you in the right direction.

Sometimes reaching out is the RESET. 💚