Welcome to the 32nd edition of The Reset Room, where you will receive tips, strategies and insights about all things mental health with a focus on ways to do a reset on some of the things in your life that may be leading to distress.

🙌🏻Last week, I shared a personal story about a moment when I found myself feeling frustrated about something my husband did.

Almost instantly, my brain supplied a meaning:

"You didn't notice how efficient I was."

"You didn't notice all the things I accomplished."

"You don't appreciate what I do."

The funny thing is...

He never actually said any of those things.

My brain did.

And that's exactly what we're talking about this week.

🐜 Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs).

They show up quickly, often without invitation, and before we know it, we're reacting to a story we've created rather than what actually happened.

🛋️ A Therapy Room Example

I recently had a client come into session bothered by an interaction at a sporting event.

Someone she knew walked right past her without speaking.

Immediately she thought:

🐜 "They're mad at me."

🐜 "I must have offended them."

🐜 "They intentionally ignored me."

We broke it down together.

What evidence supported that?

None.

What else could be true?

💡 They didn't see her.

💡 They were rushing to another commitment.

💡 They were distracted by a family issue.

💡 They were thinking about something completely unrelated.

By the end of session she recognized how much emotional pain came from assuming intention.

At our next session she shared that she had learned the person had just received a call about a family emergency.

🧠 What Are ANTs?

Automatic Negative Thoughts are those split-second thoughts that pop into our minds before we even realize they're there.

They often sound like:

🐜 "They're upset with me."

🐜 "I must have done something wrong."

🐜 "Nobody appreciates me."

🐜 "They're judging me."

🐜 "They're ignoring me on purpose."

🐜 "I always mess things up."

The problem isn't that these thoughts occur.

The problem is when we automatically accept them as facts.

Most of us don't stop to ask:

"Is this what happened... or is this the story I'm telling myself about what happened?"

🔄 My Own Reset

When I looked back at the interaction from last week, another possibility became visible.

Maybe the message wasn't:

"You didn't notice how prepared I was."

Maybe the message was:

💡 "You are so sweet to think of a way to help."

💡 "You were trying to make things easier for me."

💡 "You were showing you cared."

Same situation.

Different story.

Different feeling.

That's the power of challenging an ANT.

🤝 Co-Parenting Reset

If there's anywhere ANTs thrive, it's in co-parenting communication.

A message comes through the parenting app:

"I'll pick them up at 5:00 instead."

One parent immediately thinks:

🐜 "They're trying to control everything."

🐜 "They're being difficult."

🐜 "They're doing this just to inconvenience me."

Maybe.

But maybe not.

Maybe work ran late.

Maybe traffic happened.

Maybe a child-related issue came up.

Before responding, try asking yourself:

"What are three possible explanations besides the one that's making me angry?"

That simple question can prevent a conflict that never needed to happen.

Remember:

Respond to the facts.

Not the assumptions.

🌱 This Week's Reset

For the next seven days, I want you to become an ANT catcher.

When you notice yourself feeling irritated, hurt, anxious, offended, or defensive, pause and ask:

1️⃣ What thought just popped into my head?

2️⃣ What evidence supports it?

3️⃣ What else could be true?

You don't have to convince yourself that everything is positive.

You simply have to remain open to the possibility that your first interpretation isn't the only interpretation.

Sometimes our biggest stress isn't what happened.

It's the meaning we assigned to what happened.

📬 Before You Go...

I'd love to hear from you this week.

Hit reply and tell me:

👉 What's a recurring Automatic Negative Thought that shows up in your life?

OR

👉 Tell me about a time you reacted to something, only to later realize you had completely misunderstood the situation.

Those stories are often funny in hindsight, but they can also teach us something important:

Not every thought deserves a promotion to fact.

Until next week,

❤️ Tina